Terry Lane

  

When I was a boy I got picked on for being different and not like the rest of the children. I did  not want to play  football and rugby  with the boys. I wanted to be around girls.  Of course you think this is normal being a boy wanting to be with the girls but  this was different. I did not fancy them , I just enjoyed playing with them, playing dolls  and dressing up with them. My  girlfriends thought it was odd  at first but they never really said anything in the end, they treated me like one of them. The boys were horrible to  me  , told me  I was a  loser and strange to want to dress up like a girl.  They would do anything in public to  show  me up  and make  me feel humiliated to the whole school but I showed  them , I did . I decide to  perform  for  them and be the class joker, and make them  look a fool instead. it worked, and  the  kids  just laughed at  me because I  made them laugh and the boys eventually gave up and  left me  alone  but   I knew they all talked  about me and called  me  names behind my back and I  could kind of  handle that. it made school bearable at the time. 

When I went to high school I started dressing like a girl wearing make up and I  even bought a wig at the time. You may laugh and think, why did you not  just grow your hair long instead? Well, the reason is my parents did not know  how  I felt about being a boy.  I hated  being in boy’s body ,  I  may look  like a boy but I felt like I was a girl and  deep down I knew I was girl. Now you’re thinking how did I know this ? Well I  can’t explain  it, I just knew  I was  different and I  did  not fit  in with boys . Maybe it was my parent’s fault I don’t know.  My dad left home when I  was four years old and I think it  was   a  year later  when I changed and felt different. It did  not help by mum doing baking with me and letting  me play with her makeup and asking me for my opinions on her clothes because  she went out a lot when dad left. Come to think  of it may be it, was her fault , maybe I had no hope. Oh well never mind.

Where did I  get to , that’s right I could never really tell my parents I wanted to be  a  girl. Dad would have gone nuts because he was a lawyer and he had his reputation to uphold. It did  look good  for him having a divorce but having a son who was not normal would  have been outrage. Mum well she was  not  interested in me she was looking for the next husband . I bet your saying poor boy but wouldn’t of someone said something to them.  Well they both new deep down but choose to ignore the gossip and they would ask me ‘Terry what this stuff about ? They would never  say are you dressing up  a as a  girl. Oh no they would not do  that so I would  replie with no dad just clowning about. ‘good  , good ‘  he  would say and carrying on reading his  paper or mum would say that wonderful love ,keep it up. Personally they were both not interested as long as I was not embarrassing them then that’s all they wanted. They just did not want to deal  with it so it was easy to ignore what was going on with me.

I can see you  already with your  tissues out and crying. Well it was hard being somebody I  wasn’t but I got buy and when I  was sixteen I  ran away from home . it just got to much and I could  not bear it . a couple times I  nearly ended up killing myself because I was  living lie and  not being true to myself  but I could  never pluck up  the courge to actually kill myself until one day I hit my lowest with no money, no where to live, people beating me up for what  I  looked like. I carried on wearing wigs but started wearing women clothes all the time and starting to wear make  up. People  would  come up to me  say how  sick I was  and disgusting to the human race and a gang of men came up to me and beat the living daylights out of me  . I was  pleading with them to kill me and  get it over and done with it. They give me  the final blow  to the face  and  flow to  the  ground and  hit solid concrete. Now I bet your really crying.  Well that was the day my life changed and it was  the best thing they could of done to me. So I thank you to  the gang who nearly killed me. You changed my life forever.

They ran off when they realized I was unresponsive .  I laid there in a pool  of blood and finally hoping my nightmare was over. I was out  of this horrible body but the next thing I remember was being in a hospital hooked up to drips and wires.  I came round and there sat in the chair next to me  was the most beautiful women I had ever seen. She was fast asleep and I had never met her in my life before until this day.  Now your thinking how could  I be  attracted to  a girl when I felt like a women .  Well your  thinking I must be  Lesbian . Well  your wrong . 

I woke up and  the doctor told me  I had a nasty bang to the head which may cause me  not to remember  things.