` Madness
The desert is a hot and humid place; everywhere you turn you see yellow sand. There is a random smell in the air like moldy meat, it makes you feel sick and light headed. There are pyramids scatted everywhere. It’s so quiet, there’s no one here except me, a million miles away from home.
How did I get here?
Why did it come to this?
Why me?
In the distance she sees a child standing in a playground with other children playing around her and it looks like some sort of adult in a uniform watching over them all. Maybe it’s a park, no, I look again, harder this time, no perhaps it is a school:
The girl is standing there with her face in her hands and making a weird screeching sound, maybe she is crying or screaming. It’s hard to make out what she doing. She keeps going blurred and flickering in and out.
There are so many children surrounding her, calling her names, like ‘four eyes’ and ‘ Goldilocks’. They are being really mean pulling and tugging at her. She manages to break free and she is running faster and faster away from them. She looks behind her and shouts something to them but I can’t hear what she says. I just see her mouth moving and then a big smirk on her face.
Then the image seems to be disappearing and she seems to be running straight into a sand storm and she is gone.
‘It’s got me’.
She’s being blown about, with sand going in her eyes and face. I can’t see. Then out of the blue she sees a boy hiding in the corner of the playground, he is hiding in something, not sure what but his face is turned to the wall and his hands seem to be trying to cover his trousers because he seems to have something on them. She puts her hands to her eyes to rub the sand out of them so she can see better. It becomes clear, it is a mud stain on his bum but the children are shouting at him. I think they are saying ‘ee you pooed yourself’ and they all start laughing and pointing at him .The children keep running up to him, whispering things in his right ear. I can’t make out what they are saying .She tries to move nearer to them but they seem to move further away. Then a girl appears, it looks like it’s the same one. She is wearing a bright, blue dress the same as earlier but her hair is tied up this time where earlier her long curly blonde hair was flowing over her face. Yes, it must be the same one from earlier. She says something but I can’t quite hear what she is saying but then the boy shouts to them all:
"At least she cares"!
All of sudden they disappear like a puff of smoke.
‘What’s happening to me?
Who are these people?
Why do they keep coming and going?
Am I dying, am I asleep?
Why are they not helping me ? I need to get out of here!
The sandstorms have disappeared and I am suddenly on the floor, crawling and gasping for breath. I am too weak to walk, I am so hungry and I need water desperately. She looks like she is going to faint, her arms keep collapsing to the floor and her eyes look sort of glazed with smudge marks around her eyes from her eyeliner. Her lips look dry, crusty with specks of blood on them.
I feel something wet and cold between my fingers, what is it? It feels familiar. Yes, I know it’s water. She grasps and makes her hands in to a cup, scooping the water up so carefully not to drop any. Then she drinks so fast that most of it misses her mouth and falls down her chin. She screams and flops her face straight in the water.
Another image appears: it’s the girl again, this time her hair is cut short; she is in a black and blue swimming suit with a white swimming cap on her head. The girl is standing right near the swimming pool edge and she is messing about, pretending to jump in the pool, when her leg slips off the edge and she falls in. I run to get her, screaming, but I can’t seem to reach her.
She's panicking and gasping for breath and fighting to reach the surface. Her life seems to flash before her and she thinks it’s her time to go then suddenly she pushes herself to the surface of the water gasping for breath.
Nobody notices what’s happened to her, her heart beats fast, she’s shaking with despair. I shout at her
‘You OK?’ She looks right at me, my eyes meeting hers.
Bang the girl has gone and she wakes up trying to get her bearings. She keeps blinking repeatedly which seems to be a hundred times, and then she stops as quickly as she started.
Where am I?
What’s happening?
Have I been dreaming?
Why am I in bed ?
Am I dead ?
She tries to get up off the bed but she can’t, she seems to be stuck and she can only move her head so she looks down at her arms and legs.
What’s going on?
Why can’t I move ?
They are pinned to the bed with leather straps. She starts shaking and pulling at the straps, trying to loosen them but instead the straps get tighter and cut into her wrists and ankles, causing them to bleed.
She starts to scream but nothing comes out and then she hits her head repeatedly on the bed with anger and frustration.
My throat feels like sandpaper, it hurts to swallow. I need a drink desperately. Somebody help me please? I feel like am going mad! I feel like my head is going to explode. I keep hearing voices but there is no-one to be seen.
She looks down at her left arm and there is a drip in it then she turns to look at her right arm; there are scars and needle marks all over her arm: some look red raw, like new wounds, but the others look like old scar marks.
She’s wet, cold and shaking; she realizes she has wet herself. She screams out in despair and this time her scream manages to reach her mouth but it comes out with a quite low, croaky sound. She stops, feeling relived her voice has surfaced, and turns to look at her surroundings. The room is pure white with white plastic drawers. There are numerous photos stuck on the wall but I can’t quite make out who they are and her eyes start to sting as if there is something in them. There a small window, which has a light shining on the plastic floor:, it must be daytime.
What day is it?
What month or year is it?
What time is it?
Who am I?
What’s happening to me?
As she is saying this her whole body starts shaking and she grinding her teeth until they bleed but she is not speaking out loud it must be in her head.
She looks again at the window and realizes there are locks on them and bars on the windows. There is a white door in front of her that is open but she can’t see what is outside the door. I can hear voices but there no one to be seen. She scans the room again and there is a green chair in the corner with flower patterns on it. I can hear footsteps and I can vaguely see a figure standing above me. She starts being abusing and trying to lash out at something not sure what. Someone is holding her down and injects her drip with a needle of clear liquid into her arm.
Where am I?
What are you doing to me?
Leave me alone damn it . She starts to slur and calm down, her body goes limp like jelly. She gently closes her eyes and a tear escapes her eye.
She takes a long deep breath and opens her eyes slowly. I don’t feel wet anymore but I have the same white and pink pyjamas back on. She tries to move her hand and this time its response . She looks down: her hands and feet are no longer tied with leather straps but her arms and ankles are wrapped up in bandages. She looks up: the walls are now purple instead of white. There are photos on the wall; they look really familiar to me. There are cuddly toys at the end of her lilac bed sheets. OMG I am back in my bedroom. I run to my window but I feel exhausted after that little run. I look out of the window, it’s pitch black outside with the moon thrusting light in.
I turn to look at my clock, its going mad,, flashes twelve clock and the date flashing is 4th September 2011. This is so weird .
What’s going on ?
Am I dreaming?
Who were those figures I saw ?
Am I going mad?
Help me please! I just don’t know what’s happening to me. She leaves the window and her eyes go back to the chair she looked at earlier: there is a figure now sitting in the chair. The figure seems familiar but I can’t place from where. I rub my eyes to make sure I am not imagining this figure and bit of sand comes out of my eyes, but I think nothing of it. The girl is still there and I suddenly click who she is and it’s the girl who I saw earlier . I don’t like this.
A lady with red hair and a fairly thin figure is holding a brown briefcase: she enters a big huge grey building and takes the lift to level four. She comes to a desk with a huge man sitting beside it with a newspaper over his head and snoring very loudly. She gently takes the newspaper off his face, rolls it up and smacks it against the table. The guy jumps and falls off his chair. He looks startled.
‘I am so sorry madam it’s been long day’.
The guy is wearing a white top and trousers with walkie talkie on the table and lots of paper scatterered everywhere.
He glances up at the lady. ‘Oh it’s you, Mrs Jones, am sorry again ,is it that time of the month already?
‘Its ok Taylor and relax,, I did not mean to make you jump like that . Yes,, it soon comes round the 24th.’ How’s she doing ?
‘It’s ok mama . Maybe you should see ,for yourself.’
Will you stop calling me mama Taylor it’s Judy. OK you’d better take me to her.’
They walk down along a white corridor, turn a corner and get to room four. The door is completely white with a peep hole attached. They open the peep hole: there lies a woman with straps attached to her wrists and ankles. A drip is attached to her left arm and she is looking towards the green chair. She seems to be shouting at it and hitting her head against the pillow but they can’t hear what she is saying because the room is soundproof and it’s got padding all over, with stains of blood splattered in places.
‘Right, we had better go back to your office Taylor, we need to talk’. She says in a pissed off manner.
‘Yes, Judy’
They march off back up the corridor to the to his office. She sits down and takes her files out of her briefcase.
‘Right, Taylor, why the hell is she all strapped up ?
She can’t hurt herself in there?
‘She is been really violent to the staff and abusive . We could not control her. Have you found anything about her yet ? She’’s been in here for three months now.’
‘I know .I have finally been given her information after a lot of dead ends I got the feeling someone does not want us to know her story’. She slides him the folder and he reads.
Name: Claire Elizabeth McCarthy
Age : 24
Home town : Dublin
Family : Not known
Illness : schizophrenia
‘Is that it, Judy? Well at least we know why she is a bit nuts and violent Plus, she is a long way from home.’
No apparently the police have been looking for her and it does not add up. Taylor, something does not smell right .’
‘Why are the police after her?’
‘She was involved in a murder , she is the prime suspect but they can’t seem to get anything out of her that makes sense that’s why they brought her to the psychiatric ward but the police don’t want anyone know who she is, where she is until they can get more information on the murder investigation. It makes sense why they want her highly doped up, so she does not say anything but they’re saying it’s because she’s danger to herself and others. They found her on the floor in a pile blood with her wrists slashed and a male and female body next to hers, dead . She was holding a knife and there were needles lying around. They went to move her and she stabbed a police officer and was extremely violent, then the next minute she passed out.’
How did you find this out if they were covering up and giving you false leads?’
I have a friend who owes me one and I gave him a gentle nudge: with some persuasion and he told me in the strictest confidence. I told you so you could keep an eye on her, plus I know I can trust you, Taylor.’
‘My lips are sealed’
She is still sitting on her bed and talking to the girl in the chair.
‘What’s going on ?
Who are you? I feel like I am going mad. Answer me, damn it!'
She is shouting quite aggressively at the girl from earlier.
She gets off the bed and spots the photos and she goes to look at them. There are lots of photos, she grabs them off the wall and tears them up. She then walks past the mirror and walks off . She quickly turns back and looks into the mirror .She lets out a great big scream runs to the torn photos and looks at the girl in the chair who smiles and nods.
No!! she closes her eyes and opens them again. She back in the white room in bed strapped up again. Aarg! I have been dreaming, I now recognizes the girl who I saw from earlier in the photos and in the mirror.
'It can’t’ be?
It’s not true ?'
Help me please. I feel like I am going mad. She starts to kick and fight the restraints, hitting her head against the bed. Moving and wriggling violently she manages to break free. She stands up and sees her reflection again, this time for real, in the window. She let’s a great big, scream shouting:
OMG IT’S ME.
This is my short story called Madness. Would love to know what you think.
